Fun and frivolity

“What do you do that’s frivolous?” This was a question posed of me at a pre-Christmas party and caught me completely unprepared. In that moment, despite being ever so slightly under the influence of a rather delicious glass of mulled wine, I couldn’t think of a single thing! Well, how boring does that make me?!

I often ask a similar question of my coaching clients when they first sign up with me. How much time in your life do you devote to fun and play? Whilst fun and play may not seem as trivial as frivolity, it’s incredible how many of us tend to overlook the importance of having some time off to do something for pure enjoyment. At the other extreme, I do know one person, a fellow coach, whose highest priority in her life is to have fun! When she explained this to me, my first reaction was “I wonder how she ever gets anything done in her life.” And maybe that’s the problem – we see fun as getting in the way of getting things done, when really having some time off recharges our batteries, relieves stress and reminds us of the bigger picture of our lives. In actual fact, my coaching friend does not spend all her time on frivolous activities. Her emphasis on fun is an attitude of mind that tinges and permeates everything she does. I have to say, she’s great company!

One of the misconceptions about sustainable living is that it involves self-deprivation and poverty. That doesn’t sound like a lot of fun and indeed, if that were the case then it wouldn’t be. To quote Duane Elgin: “It is not about living in poverty. Poverty is involuntary and debilitating, whereas simplicity is voluntary and enabling.” Some people have described to me not only how, once they have decided to slow their lives down, they find more time to play, but also how they enjoy finding the fun in everyday activities. For example, once they commit themselves to spending more time with their children, they are able to relax with them, becoming totally embroiled in their child’s view of the world. They are then able to allow their inner child to engage with them, and just play for the sake of playing. This is so different from “spending quality time” which somehow ends up as a chore fitted into a window of opportunity in our busy diaries. So, having fun does not necessarily have to mean arranging separate “fun activities” to do, it can simply mean developing a greater awareness of the more beautiful, funny and playful side of what we are already committed to. Isn’t this what sustainable living is all about? Simplifying our lives enough to leave us time to appreciate, play with, derive fun from what is already there. We don’t need to spend money or consume in excess to do that.

Perhaps it works the other way round too. When we are feeling stressed and are finding it challenging to disengage from the adrenaline hits, we can make a point of smiling or laughing. Laughter generates endorphins in the brain which help us feel better. It’s also infectious. Even a broad grin will elicit a happy response in most people. When I’m feeling morose one of things I like to do is make a conscious decision to smile at everyone I meet that day. Ok, the risk here I know is that some will regard me as a complete nutter! (And those of you who know me personally will no doubt identify with that!) But for the most part it works. Other people then smile at me and then we all feel better!

Another strategy we can use is to become aware of and engage all of our senses. In his book Timeless Simplicity, John Lane talks about the sensual enjoyment he gains from simple tasks – what he calls “The Sacred Arts of Life.” He regrets that the art and craft of cooking, for example, has been replaced with the supermarket’s mass produced ready-meals. He says: “nothing is more intrinsically creative than cooking, which engages all the senses…we need to play with the colours of a dish, the texture of the food…even sounds can be enticing…all these elements carried out with mindfulness provide opportunities for creative choice.”

Fun and frivolity are essential elements in a balanced existence. We can use them to increase our enjoyment of what we currently find tedious, indulge in them for the sake of taking a break and use them as opportunities for deepening our connection with others.