Home educating a teenager can be a shortcut to examining every assumption we ever had about education and what it’s like to be a child. It can be a time to find out what really matters in family relationships and how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts.

An absolute gem! Thankyou for taking the time to post your account.

Whether your teen ( home educated or not) says, ‘You never listen to me!’ it’s not that they are whining (though sometimes they do!) they are telling you the truth. As a parent to heed that sentence would do you and most importantly your child the world of good. The consequences in some circumstances of not listening to your child can be devastating. I’m happy to report that my daughter rediscovered her love of learning, her self confidence and self esteem, and realises she is capable of doing anything she puts her mind to. She seems settled in her new school, although the arbitrary punishments she receives, for example; forgetting her pencil, is something she complains regularly about. I should think so too! When she was reintroduced and assessed for school her reading, writing and maths ability was that of a 16 year old and yet in the interview, the Headmistress had told me that Home Educating my daughter was the worst thing I could have done. It wasn’t, it was the best thing I EVER did. My daughter will always have the choice and it will always be her choice but I am watching out for her at school now, I no longer believe state school is the only way or even necessary. My daughter taught me a great deal in that year. Listen to your children you could learn a lot. Teens are young adults, bright, clever, fascinating & full of new ideas! (she always used to beat me hands down in any debates) Teaching them to conform, brutalising them with state education can crush that spirit. If they do well at school it’s in spite of state education not because of it.

Now my youngest daughter who’s 11 and has always enjoyed school up until now, is starting the journey of Home Education. She began to suffer with severe anxiety and refused school. This time I have listened, I’m not making the same mistake twice. She told me that school was unfullfilling, that she was being pressured to perform and made to feel a failure when she couldn’t keep up. That secondary school wasn’t what she thought it would be. She is a bright, self-motivated student who has always enjoyed studying, even in her spare time. Maths was her favourite subject but now she hates it. The homework is ridiculous and she complains that it is just boring repetition. The same patterns are emerging yet again! We are preparing for the inevitable backlash from friends and family members who think I’ll be ruining her life Home Educating her because she’s ‘University material’. It’s her choice and educating at home will not dull her chances should she decide upon that path, if anything it will increase them.

Asked why she couldn’t get on with school she summed it up by saying, ‘ Because I’m an independent thinker!’ I couldn’t put it better myself. I’ve no doubt I’ll still make mistakes along the way and have a lot to learn, but Home Education is a journey you can take together and it builds bonds between yourself and your child which are in some cases damaged by state schooling.

One thing I’ve learnt is to trust myself, you do know your child best and have their best interests at heart, you can spot where their talents lie and encourage them. That you don’t need a cert in teaching to be a good teacher, you already are and have been since your child was born. Trouble is, most of us parents have been state educated, we may have survived it, but getting rid of all those conformist, pre-conceived ideas that were drilled into us isn’t easy. It’s not always the child that needs a period of rest and de-schooling, it’s the parents too :)

When I rang up my youngest daughter’s Head of Year to discuss the anxiety and school refusal I was met with a less than pastoral response. She’s playing on my emotions, she wants her own way, you’re too soft, it’s because her sister was previously HE. When I made suggestions about settling her in on a less pressured more gentle scale, quieter rooms, a lower group, the response was, essentially no. She’s capable of the work and should be stretched, yes I agree, but not to the point where she is so distressed that she is physically ill. I was told she should be made to go, all the other children have to ‘get on with it’. Tell her she has ‘no choice’. Err, yes, she does have a choice. She has a right not to be bullied by the system, by teachers, she has a right not to be so distressed that she is sick or has diarrhoea, she has a right to be an individual and not be humiliated in front of people (e.g. tongue lashed for wearing orange socks to school one day – not school uniform. What does it matter? Is it going to affect her academic ability? Do the teachers wear school uniform? NO) My child isn’t about to be recruited into the army nor is she some kind of ‘drone’ She has gifts and talents to share with the world as does my eldest daughter and in whatever way they choose to express it, whether down the perceived ‘traditional’ route or otherwise, I and my husband (who’s a disillusioned teacher by the way :) ) will be right behind them.

Sorry for this very long comment. I should start my own blog I know, couldn’t help but get carried away. Great articles and thank you. Liz.