You might not have heard of John Welwood. He’s a psychotherapist who specialises in relationships and who uses both Western and Buddhist psychology to inform his counselling. The quote above is from his book “Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships” in which he explores the nature of love and also how we manage to get ourselves in such a muddle over it! On the surface we play out our conditioning in our relationships with others, whilst underneath –sometimes very deep down – we all have the capacity to make soulful connections.
Something else you might not have heard is that I am associate coach for the dating agency “Natural Friends” (www.naturalfriends.co.uk). Whilst relationship coaching is maybe not something you might readily associate with downshifting, sustainable living, or sustainable business, the connection for me in all of these things is the quality of our relationship with ourselves.
In my conversations with Natural Friends members and with my coaching clients, I’ve noticed a certain urgency about the need to find a new partner or change the one we have. And yet, according to John Welwood, we first need to accept and love ourselves. The same is true when we are considering changing our lifestyle. The first step is to accept and love ourselves, whatever our current circumstances, and then, from that position of wholeness, self-empowerment and open-heartedness, to consider what needs to change.
Today, I‘m treating you to a fascinating and inspiring guest article from Stella in La Palma, Canary Islands. She’s also offering an opportunity to experience sustainable living in this beautiful part of the world.
Finca Luna
I love getting Sally’s newsletter not just because there’s always something fresh and useful in it for me but also because I love being reminded that I´m a ‘downshifter’ ! I’m enjoying my life tremendously through making the large set of decisions that implies. One of the things I keep enjoying is that it’s an endless deciding and constant challenging of my own ways of thinking, because one of the choices I made was to be coherent with my values, to cultivate integrity and that in itself is enormously rewarding.
Living in a way that isn’t expected or supported by the dominant culture, I am constantly pushed to seeing its contradictions, its oppressive mechanisms, its killer-tactics… and invariably I realise how much of those I still carry inside me, in my thinking patterns. Not pretty, often, and occasionally quite difficult because it isn´t exactly a ticket to popularity (even amongst my ‘alternative’ colleagues!) when I choose to bring these things up to others’ attention but always interesting and very stimulating, emotionally and intellectually. I love growing like this.
I’ve never had what you might call a very conventional or consumerist life, certainly not as an adult: perhaps whist growing up I did experience what I would now call luxury, but also realised early on that happiness and having comfort and things did not necessarily come together: if anything the things distracted one from living peacefully and from contentment (there is always ’something more’ to want!).
A permaculture course I took in London in 1994 was a turning-point for me when, at age 28 and after a decades of much searching and restlessness in trying to reconcile employment and social activism (not to mention art and science, ethics and enjoyment, etc.), the whole thing came together in the clear and coherent picture offered by the very holistic science-with-a-plan that is permaculture design.
I set up an urban permaculture charity (www.finca-luna.com/GA ) with a few close friends and within a year we had funding to do a series of inter-connected urban regeneration projects which were something of a predecessor of what is now known as the Transition Towns Movement (transitiontowns.org). The best job I ever had, it was especially a thrill to create ethical, well-paid, satisfying jobs for a number of other people (12 p/t jobs in total over 6 years), and much training resource for our many volunteers and later permaculture course students. I lived and worked in South London, cycled to our damp office in a park (a rundown ‘folly’ we reclaimed), lived on very little materially but had the chance to buy a mortgage and so I did (this is what later became the funds for the farm – Finca – I now live in).
This was hardly a yuppie lifestyle and when I decided to come to live in La Palma, in the Canary Islands, I was downshifting from that. I actually arrived to the Island for a sabbatical, thinking of spending 3 months here to cure the workaholic streak I had gotten myself into with the permaculture charity and then go back to my beloved London. Instead I ended up falling in love with the place, doing a big and painful growing-up spurt with the help of the beauty, peace and strong energy the Island is famous for, and at the same time was presented with an awesome choice. I was offered a great job in London, working for the then largest inner-city regeneration project (the perfect career move for me at the time, great money, in the place where I had all my friends, contacts, roots…). In La Palma I was offered a gardening job for no pay but in exchange for food and accommodation: no job security, in a country where I still didn´t speak the language, knew no people and was very far from home. It was ironic and very interesting to be faced with this choice.
And it came down to this in the end: what price can I put on fresh air, picking my food from the earth and the silence and great beauty of an unspoilt landscape where crime is virtually unknown? The hardest thing was deciding to start again with creating a local friendship-net, but I am blessed with solid friends I truly feel are with me wherever I go, and they have been there through it all, to this day. It was a big jump into the unknown, but in some ways I was very safe: I made no big investments, took no irreversible decisions (apart from letting go that one dream-job in London), involved no partner or children … and decided to observe and enjoy the process.
But it was only once I had made a real commitment to this land (to give my best to the Island, not just take), that I think the land opened her arms to me: I met and married a wonderful local man with a lovely big, warm extended family and after 6 years of renting a large farm, I found a nearby smaller farm I could buy, a very beautiful place already set up with fruiting trees, many almonds and fertile terrace gardens, with stunning views of the ocean: a little bit of paradise. And eventually I created a job I love that involves travelling to many places to teach something I am very passionate about, and which also creates eco-employment for others.
So ten years and many adventures later, hard as some trials have been on the way, I can truly say I never once regretted that decision to jump. My biggest problem now is figuring out how to reconcile my deep contentment with so much suffering in the world. And I do this by working towards social change in any direction that I can, mainly through teaching permaculture (the most recent development is being asked to do a monthly radio programme on this) and using our farm as a ’sustainablity playground’ for people taking their first steps in trying out this lifestyle: open air, socially committed work, very low-consumption living.
To this end we are now also offering shares in the Finca, both because we realise we would love to share Finca Luna (the blessings, the work and the opportunities) with others, and also because we wish to facilitate the transition to a lifestyle that an increasing number of people realise they want (and that we believe is beneficial to society and the planet) by offering this ’start small’ chance: instead of buying a whole finca (something many people can’t afford anyhow) and do the transition alone, you can share the work and the experience of others on the same path.
The shares information is up on the association’s wiki:
http://gaiatasiri.pbwiki.com/shares
and Finca Luna’s designs book is up here:
www.fincalunawiki.pbwiki.com
(It’s in Spanish, but if you want a rough translation you can use the Babelfish button in the menu)
In our move to a more sustainable way of living and of doing business, we know that we need to change how we act and also how we think. Our actions, after all, stem from our thoughts and, unless we change our approach to how we think, we will not manage to downshift or to sustain the changes that we make. If we do not modify our mindset, then as soon as we hit a moment of stress, chances are that we’ll revert to old thought patterns and behaviours.
Environmentalists are very fond of talking about finding alternative energy sources to fossil fuels. We now regard fossil fuels as very efficient and relatively low cost sources of energy, from a financial point of view, but high cost in terms of their polluting effect on the planet.
What about the fuels we use personally, to drive our thoughts and ideas and to motivate us on an emotional and intellectual level? Which are the polluting mind fuels that we use? What can we replace them with in order to fuel our minds sustainably?
The unsustainable mental fuels that we are apt to reach for when we feel we need a mental boost are substances such as alcohol, drugs, nicotine and caffeine. We can also use foods that are high in fat and sugar as a way of comforting ourselves. At times of stress we might attempt to nourish ourselves by indulging in distractions or ways of spacing out so that we don’t have to face the less attractive areas of our lives. These unsustainable human fuels, like using fossil fuels, can be very effective in the short term, but they pollute our bodies over the longer term and they do not help us find solutions to the problems in our lives.
Fortunately there are sustainable, enjoyable and effective alternatives.
We can view mental nourishment as being in one of three forms:
• Food
• Associations
• Sensory experiences
Some foods, we know, are particularly beneficial to the mind, essential fatty acids for example. You might like to experiment with observing how you feel mentally after meals and noticing which foods lead to you feeling more alert and energised mentally. These may change with the time of day and even the time of year if you live in a temperate climate.
Associations are the people you mix with, at home, at work and in your leisure activities. You may know of some people around whom you feel happy and light and others whose company is likely to have a gloomy and deadening effect on you.
Sensory experiences are sights, sounds, tastes, smells and physical experiences. Think of the differences in your sensory experiences when you are sitting somewhere beautiful in nature compared to being stuck in traffic congestion on a motorway. One set of experiences will motivate and inspire you. The other is likely to leave you feeling dull and drained.
Jennifer approached me for coaching because she had started to downshift and yet felt that she was drifting into poverty through overspending. Her downshifting journey had begun when she decided to turn down an offer of promotion at work and instead enjoy her current position, which she could manage easily and that she enjoyed. The department where she worked had been moved to a new location near the centre of town. Suddenly she felt lethargic in her job and was finding herself de-motivated in her efforts at home to simplify her life and to live more sustainably.
We looked at which personal fuels she was using. Whereas before the changes in her job, Jennifer had taken a packed lunch into work, since the move in location, she had become tempted by a fast food outlet within 50 yards of her office. She had also abandoned her customary lunchtime walk in the park in favour of sitting at her desk to eat. Sadly, coupled with that, she had recently lost 2 close friends to cancer and had been feeling too lonely to socialise outside of work.
During coaching, Jennifer decided to regain the balance in her mental fuel by:
• Starting to make healthy packed lunches for herself each day.
• Joining a book club after work where she could meet like-minded friends with a shared interest.
• Finding another park within walking distance of the office where she could stroll and have a break in her day, enjoying the fresh air and some natural surroundings.
These might sound like some very straightforward choices to make and yet their effect was quite profound. Jennifer started to feel motivated again at home and at work. At home, she was able to take steps to reduce her costs and find the time and energy to organise her finances and her material possessions. As a result of this, she was no longer spending more than she was earning. What’s more, she created a plan for downshifting into retirement 5 years earlier than she had anticipated. At work, she found the courage to initiate a new project that had been on her mind for 3 years but which she had feared she would not be capable of managing.
By reviewing the three keys to fuelling our minds – food, associations and sensory experiences – we can often find ways to improve our motivation, creativity and energy levels by switching to sustainable mental fuels.
A ritual can be defined as a solemn ceremony of observance. It is a term often associated with religion. What I’m suggesting here, however, is that rituals can be a way to remind us to nourish ourselves every day, both on a practical physical level and whilst engaging our hearts in our work.
1. Express your gratitude each day to at least one other person involved in your business.
2. Ask for feedback and respect the opinions of others, even if you don’t agree with them.
3. Trust yourself and those with whom you work.
4. Perform one maintenance task each day on your working environment. Notice elements of beauty as you go.
5. Plan each week around minimising your energy use. Be realistic and accepting of mistakes.
6. Turn off all non-emergency electronic equipment at the end of each day.
7. Receive and open bills with gratitude for your ability to pay.
8. Over-deliver (i.e. go the extra mile) with grace for at least one client every day.
9. Block out a regular time in your diary for checking your financial situation. Do it with ease, gratitude and willingness to change.
10. Set your business intention every day and let go of the outcome.
What would be your top ten? Or what would you add to these?
What’s the best way to start your day and what does it matter anyway?
“There is an Indian Belief that everyone is in a house of four rooms: A physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room everyday, even if only to keep it aired, we are not complete.” Rumer Godden
There’s an ancient science of life, a kind of universal truth about how to live in harmony with the planet and it’s known as Ayurveda. According to Ayurveda, in the cycle of energy that we call our day, there’s a special energy that abounds between the hours of 3 and 7am. It’s known as “vata” and it’s nature is creative and conducive to supporting our spiritual nature. So, early in the morning is the best time for new ideas, inspiration and for getting in touch with our inner wisdom through daily spiritual practices such as yoga, meditation, T’ai Chi or prayer.
The birds know about this. You may have noticed that they are starting to sing a lot more in the mornings now. Were you aware, though, that they have 2 separate singing periods? There’s one about 1 ½ hours before dawn which, according to Ayurveda, is the best time for spiritual practice, and then there’s the dawn chorus that happens as the sun rises.
Sustainable living is all about living in harmony with the natural world rather than exploiting it. One of the ways in which we can help ourselves to do this on a personal level is by being sensitive to the natural energy cycles in our day and in particular at the start of our day.
The way in which we start our day can give us some useful clues as to whether we are still stuck on the treadmill, or whether we’re now leading a more simple, slower, peaceful way of life. A typcial rat race day often begins with waking to a loud and often irritating alarm, feelings of resistance, reluctance or even dread about the day ahead, followed by a rush of frenetic activity, including a hasty breakfast, eaten on the fly.
In contrast to this, someone who is leading a sustainable lifestyle will often wake naturally at or before dawn feeling fully rested and ready to welcome a new day that they anticipate with enjoyment. It then becomes easier to take early morning activities at a leisurely pace, including eating a nourishing breakfast.
We can add to this by beginning the day with a peaceful spiritual practice, to the uplifting sounds of the birds singing in the background and so set ourselves up to live and work in alignment with nature for the rest of the day.
This site seeks to explore the heart and soul of downshifting to a more sustainable, ethical and holistic way of living and working, in keeping with the needs of the planet, humanity as a whole and ourselves as individuals. (read more)
