Have you downshifted and yet still spend your days racing against the clock? One of the bug bears of many of my clients is this: they manage to leave the rat race, to reduce their working hours, to balance their working lives with their personal lives, to find work doing something they truly love BUT they still feel stressed and pressurised because of their attitude to time. Why is this? The traditional approach to time management is all about how to fit as many activities into each day as is humanly possible. Multitasking, efficiency and effectiveness rule in this rat race mindset. Unfortunately, this all too often leads to excessive stress and unhappiness.
In my previous life, about 10 years BD (Before Downshifting), a typical working day would consist of about 10 hours of work in a job I didn’t enjoy, ½ hour of self care mainly to do with work (i.e.. making sure I looked the part), about ½ hour with my partner, 2 hours of commuting, 2 hours slumped on the sofa in front of the TV, 2 hours of household chores, 7 hours of sleeping. If you’d asked me how I most enjoyed spending my time, I would’ve said something along the lines of “Being with my friends and family, being in nature and making a positive contribution to the world.” It took several years and eventually ill health to prompt me to spot the mismatch!
How do we downshift our approach to managing our time and still get things done?
I’d like to answer that question by applying the well known principle of “reduce, re-use, recycle” to time management.
Reduce.
Actually, this is not about managing time at all. Chronological time is not something we can manage since it will march on, second by second, minute by minute, however we choose to spend it. The crux of “time management” is really “life management” or even more specifically “alignment with values”. In order to avoid the type of huge mismatch that I managed to create in my life, you need to align how you actually spend your days with what’s really and truly most important to you – your values. The first stage in this process is to start saying no to those things that are not in alignment with your values. This way you can reduce the number of tasks and projects you are committed to and thus create some space in your life.
Re-use
You can then re-use the space you’ve created to take some time to reflect on what your priorities are and narrow them down to a handful of commitments. This exercise is applicable in your personal and working life. How will you know what to prioritise? Whereas your values are part of the essence of who you are and what attracts you to life, your priorities are what you decide to give your attention to sooner rather than later. For example, “health” might be one of your values but “brushing your teeth” might be a priority only twice per day.
When you create some space for reflection, you can tune in to your values and then your priorities for each moment will become evident. Contrast this with being in the rat race where, if your priorities are not being decided for you, you are so overloaded with stimuli that you do not have the opportunity to even be aware of what matters to you.
Re-cycle
Now you can use your time, the same time you always had, but in a different way. Slow down, do one thing at a time, do nothing, be present, aim for quality in everything over quantity, act from your heart. It’s not what you do but how you do it that counts. Why? Because this has a profound impact on your contribution to the world and subsequently on how meaningful and fulfilling you experience your life to be. Think of the consequences of performing a task with resentment, for example reading your child a story, explaining a new business system to an employee or phoning an order through to a supplier. There’s very little that’s positive that arises from performing any of those tasks with resentment.
In his book “A New Earth”, Eckhart Tolle suggests that there are only three favourable states in which to perform any task – acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm. So, I would suggest checking in with your feelings before beginning any task. When you find yourself starting something in a state other than one of these three, try stopping for a moment and asking yourself whether it’s something you really want to do. If it’s something you definitely want to do, what do you need to change in order to perform that task in one of Tolle’s three favourable states?
Conclusion
Time management for downshifters in a nutshell:
1. Reduce to a minimum the number of commitments in your life that are out of alignment with your values and priorities.
2. Re-use the time and energy you’ve just released from your previous rat race habits to reflect, relax and re-balance.
3. Re-cycle your time by deciding to use it in a different way – slow down, give up multi-tasking, shorten the “to do” list and watch your emotional state. Aim for acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm in everything you do.
Suggested Further Reading
The Power of Now. By Eckhart Tolle
First Things First: To Live, to learn, to love, to leave a legacy. By Stephen R. Covey.
Timeless Simplicity. By John Lane.
In part one of this article, we considered the symptoms of stressful thinking and how that affects us. Using two examples of stressful thinking – “I don’t have enough time” and “I’m not motivated,” I introduced you to a simple strategy for de-stressing such limiting thoughts. In part two, we’ll look at two more examples of stressful thoughts and how to turn them around to ways of thinking that are much more helpful for a sustainable life.
Stressful Thought Number 3: “I’m too scared”.
Actually, this one encompasses all sorts of smaller stressful thoughts to do with our competence, how others see us and the stories we tell ourselves about “what might happen if…” Some say that the word FEAR is an acronym for Fantasy Expressed As Reality because if you think back through all the fearful thoughts you’ve been having, you’ll probably realise that most of them never ever came true!
Let’s find a positive alternative. How about “I have the courage to handle this”?
And, if you don’t believe that already, what needs to change for you to believe it?
There are many ways to handle specific fears – some through therapeutic or physical intervention. My favourite way, though, is very simple. Introduce a lot more love into your life. Love is an antidote to fear and the place to begin is with yourself! If this all sounds too namby-pamby for a hardened downshifter, just humour me for a moment and give it a try. How about taking some time off to look after yourself, improve your comfort levels, treat yourself to an aromatherapy massage, a hot bath, or a relaxing night out with friends.
Another anti-dote to fear is action. After taking some steps towards some serious self care, you will be ready to face your fears head on and watch them dissipate. If they don’t dissipate of their own accord, perhaps you need further information to convince you whether your fear really is something worth paying attention to. In that case, try re-directing your worry energy towards researching the information you need. Another way you can take action and practice handling fears is by exercising your courage muscles. How about deciding that you will do one small scary thing every day – just to push your boundaries a little at a time and to convince yourself that you can handle fear without it becoming a persistently stressful thought.
Stressful Thought Number 4: “I’m not good enough.”
We can create a positive alternative for this one that says something like:
“I’ve got exactly what it takes” or “This isn’t right for me.”
What needs to change for you to believe either of these and to know which one is more appropriate for you? You can probably sense that answering that question takes a great deal of honesty. Honesty firstly about your strengths and also what it is you really want to do. Suppose your boss offers you promotion at work and this stressful thought is triggered in you. You might find out whether the job is right for you by asking yourself “If I knew that I definitely did have what it takes, would I still want it?” To believe the positive alternatives, know and use your strengths, enjoy yourself and delegate the rest!
Hidden Gifts
There’s some very good news that underpins all of this talk of stressful thinking. Encoded within your stressful thinking, there is usually at least one hidden gift – an encouraging thought which you can use to de-stress your life:
“I don’t have enough time” might be telling you to pay attention to prioritising what’s important to you.
“I can’t be bothered” might be letting you know that your inspiration is in need of nourishment.
“I’m too scared” might be pointing the way for you to prioritise self-care.
“I’m not good enough” could be a call (or permission) for your honesty and authenticity to take centre stage for a while.
Conclusion
Here’s a summary of the strategy for de-stressing your thinking:
There is no doubt that pain and suffering in our lives is something that we all experience from time to time and that it causes us stress. That same pain and suffering can also be the stimulus that triggers a response in us leading to a more peaceful existence. That response might well be physical – deciding to opt for an easier commute to work or to work from home. According to many of my coaching clients, the response also needs to be a mental shift, some way of de-stressing our thinking, if we are to achieve lasting tranquillity (or at least large periods of it!) in our lives. Think of it as a form of mental downshifting.
How do we know when our thinking is stressful? What are the symptoms?
If you are experiencing any of the following, then it is likely that you’re having stressful thoughts:
It is clear from reading those, that if we take no action to de-stress our thinking, then the next thing that will happen is that these problems will worsen.
What’s the answer?
There’s a simple strategy that you can use to tackle your stressful thinking almost as soon as it happens. I’m going to give you some common examples of stressful thinking that my coaching clients have come up with and show you how to tackle them using this strategy. Then, you’ll be able to apply it to whatever stressful thoughts enter your consciousness.
Stressful Thought Number 1: “I Don’t Have Enough Time”
How many times per week, per day even, do you tell yourself that one? Let’s turn it into a positive, stress-free thought first of all.
How about “I have all the time I need.”?
Do you believe that? No, of course not! Well, not at the moment anyway. The second question we ask ourselves as part of this strategy is
“What needs to change for me to believe this?”
and often the key to answering this question is knowing where our priorities lie. Managing our time is not really about managing time at all, because time is not something we have the freedom to change. It’s only how and what we try to cram into it that we can change. So, the key to having more time is to only spend time on what is important to us.
One thing that downshifting teaches us is just how attached we have become to our material possessions and how hard it can be to let go. It can be the same with our thoughts and what we consider to be important.
When I first took my sons out of school to home educate them, they both insisted that we could not possibly start each week day without first having “registration”. At home, and with only 2 students it was a complete waste of time, of course. I knew exactly who they were and that they’d turned up on time! However, I went along with the idea because my sons insisted that it was important for their education. After three weeks of daily registration, one of them turned to me and said “Actually, this is a bit silly really, isn’t it Mum?”
Which of your stressful thoughts can you let go of because they no longer benefit you?
Strressful Thought Number 2: I’m not motivated” or “I can’t be bothered”
Can you think of something you can’t be bothered to do? How does that make you feel? Drained? Lethargic?
How can we turn that one into something positive?
How about “I feel passionate and excited about this”?
What’s need to change for you to believe this?
For most people, if you ask them how they motivate themselves to get going with something, they will come up with all sorts of strategies for forcing themselves to do it – often based on rewards, punishments, enforced deadlines and so on. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. But, what do they all do to your stress levels? Yes, forcing yourself increases stress. Now, a little of this once in a while might do you good. A lot of it certainly won’t. So, this is not a useful solution to lack of motivation. It’s not what needs to change. What needs to change is your level of inspiration. What happens to you stress levels when you feel inspired? They decrease rapidly and you feel lighter with much less of that drained, lethargic feeling you had at the beginning.
The key to staying motivated is to feed our inspiration. I like to think of this as nourishing our minds with wholesome thoughts in the same way that we know it makes sense to nourish our bodies with wholesome food. Both of these help us to feel energised and enthusiastic about life.
Some of the ways that my clients have learned to feed their inspiration is through reading inspiring material, spending time with inspiring people, watching inspiring films, introducing a spiritual practice (such as yoga, prayer, meditation, T’ai Chi) into their daily routine, de-cluttering their space, spending time in nature. What’s yours?
In part two of this article, we’ll consider how to downshift your thinking when your thoughts stray to fear of the future or feelings of unworthiness. De-stressing ourselves mentally in this way not only brings us inner peace and tranquillity, but can have some surprising extra hidden benefits too. I’ll be revealing those also in Part Two.
Why is it important to listen to our children?
For them:
For us:
There are different ways in which we can listen to our children. On a very superficial level, we can carry on with what we’re doing when our child interrupts us and barely listen to the words being spoken. Our minds are on our own agenda and focusing on what our response might be to our child’s question, how we can fix their problem, or how we can change their minds about something. This type of listening is rarely helpful to either our child or us.
How about if we stop what we’re doing and give our child our full attention?
To listen more deeply and effectively we need to be totally with the child’s agenda, not ours, giving advice only when asked and speaking otherwise only to utter words of encouragement and support or the occasional question. Some parents have told me that they have experienced occasions where they have listened silently to their child and nothing more than that and yet their child has talked openly for several minutes, working through a problem and thinking aloud to find a solution, almost in the same breath. They feared that if they had dared to interrupt, then their child would have lost their train of thought and their quest to find the right solution for them. So, sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing – yet it can be quite a challenge just to sit there and listen!
At the deepest level of listening, we can engage all our senses. I would suggest that this is appropriate for the most difficult of conversations. We might need to hold our child before they can even begin to voice difficult emotions. We will need to watch their body language and pay attention to their tone of voice. These observations will give us extra clues as to their thoughts and feelings on what they are saying.
Sometimes, we can help our child clarify their thoughts simply by summarising for them what they have just told us. Contrary to what our instincts tell us to do, where they have just expressed a painful emotion, it is often more helpful when we repeat it back to them rather than deny it or try to minimise their feelings. Facing and acknowledging the difficult feeling seems to have the effect of diffusing it whereas our denial is likely to add fuel to the fire by convincing the child that we do not understand or are not supporting them.
Thus, skilful listening is a habit worth cultivating for the benefit of all members of the family.
Those who have experienced downshifting for themselves will tell you that downshifting happens on many different levels – physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual. It can challenge and delight us in so many unexpected ways.
About 10 years ago, I experienced a shift in consciousness on my downshifting journey that I found shocking, but also liberating in that it freed me up, emotionally to continue on the downshifting path and very much enjoy how my life was changing. The shift in consciousness was the realisation that it was perfectly ok to appreciate, admire, cherish something, without having to strive to own it!
Here’s the dilemma – we have been conditioned, through being accustomed to a materialistic lifestyle, to believe that we can achieve personal happiness through acquiring something material, whether that’s a new car, mobile phone, new job or a new relationship. According to this materialistic philosophy, all we need to do to have whatever we want in material terms is to earn the money to buy it. In those terms, being abundant or at least having the potential to be abundant means having more than enough money.
Viewed in these terms, frugality is a frightening prospect, because it equates with only having enough money for the bare essentials which means not having enough money for the material things that we believe will make us happy, which means unhappiness.
Once we start to consider the possibility of leading a more sustainable life, we realise that we need to change our definition of abundance. For many downshifters, seeing the flaws in the materialist’s guide to happiness is the mental shift that happens well in advance of the decision to engage in the practicalities of living more sustainably. All of a sudden abundance is no longer all about money. It becomes a personal definition of what makes us feel happy, loved and in the flow.
Wellspring of abundance
There’s a saying that goes “Where your attention goes the energy flows.” If you think about what makes you happy, you might focus on your family and how much you appreciate spending time. When you start to focus on that sense of gratitude, then you will notice what it is that makes them happy and to want to spend time with you. You will notice the opportunities for making this happen. Thus, gratitude is our wellspring of abundance – it leads to us changing our perspective on what makes us happy and attracting more of that into our lives.
Unfortunately, human nature means that our natural tendency is to focus on the negative events that have happened to us. After all, as on the TV news bulletins, it’s the negative, scandalous titbits that guarantee an attentive audience. When we feel ourselves being lured into this type of experience, we can express our gratitude and appreciation in some way instead and notice how much more uplifting that it.
Keeping the stream of abundance flowing.
Abundance involves an exchange or movement of energy, whether that’s exchanging money for some food, a smile for a hug, or a long walk in the country for better health and wellbeing. So, abundance is ever moving. It flows though our lives like a warm and comforting stream. If we wait around for others to give to us, or try to hold onto what we already have, then that flow of energy starts to stagnate. By being willing to give first, we keep the energy of abundance flowing. So, giving is our means to keep abundance flowing.
Frugality and poverty
For those with the intention of living simply, frugality and poverty are very different things. You do not have to be poor to be frugal. Being poor means having less income than is needed to cover our costs. In contrast, living frugally is empowering and means being mindful of how we use money and possessions. Where are we putting our time and energy? How are we using what we own? Is this in alignment with our values and our wish to live more simply? Whenever we buy something, we can ask ourselves: “Is this taking me closer to, or further away from, my intention of living more simply?”
If you find yourself in the habit of saying “I can’t afford to spend time/money/energy on that,” you could experiment with substituting: “I choose not to spend my time/money/energy on that” and see how that affects your decision making and allows for greater creativity.
To summarise, in order to live with abundance and frugality, it helps to cultivate gratitude, generosity, creativity and authenticity.
This site seeks to explore the heart and soul of downshifting to a more sustainable, ethical and holistic way of living and working, in keeping with the needs of the planet, humanity as a whole and ourselves as individuals. (read more)
