From time to time, friends and acquaintances are kind enough to let me know of sustainable business opportunities. If you’re on the lookout for the chance to become self-employed, doing something ethical and authentic to what you believe in, then here’s a great little business venture that’s become available.
Natural- Friends, the original, ethical dating agency, is for sale. James and Barbara Bradshaw, the founders, wish to retire because James has been unlucky enough to have some severe health challenges. I have known this lovely, while, since meeting my partner, Steve, on their website 4 years ago. Their ideals are apparent in their business and, when you consider that they began Natural -Friends as long ago as 1985, we can consider them pioneers in modern day sustainable, small business in the UK. They definitely walk their talk!
I thought it might be interesting to interview them for the blog, to offer you an insight into the background of entrepreneur couples such as James and Barbara. So, I was cheeky enough to ask them a few personal questions about their relationship and their business. With their usual good humour, here are their replies:
We met in 1972. In that year an independent girls’ school in Bury St Edmunds was amalgamated with the boys’ school located a few miles north of the town. Barbara held the post of head of biology at the newly formed school and James had been successful in being selected as her assistant in the department.
James had arranged to visit his new school in the early summer of 1972 in order to familiarize himself with the staff and, especially, to meet his new head of department, Barbara. His first words are forever etched in his memory.
“Hello. You must be Barbara!”. Hardly the stuff of great literature, but James’ cheerful greeting quickly put Barbara at ease.
Later in the summer, before the autumn term began, we underwent a baptism of fire as we organized equipment, cleared out decades of accumulated rubbish and devised workplans.
Working so closely together when the school term started, it soon became apparent that this was more than a professional relationship. Shared half days and weekends were occupied with explorations of the local countryside, brass rubbing in medieval churches, hesitant horse riding and theatre-going. Parents were introduced and, by Christmas, it was clear to us both that we had fallen in love.
As soon as the summer term had ended, just a year after our first encounter, we were married – what would now be called an eco-wedding, in the beautiful grounds of the school. Thirty-seven years on, the two are still as one.
These sorts of questions are always very difficult to answer. James has so many qualities. Perhaps top of the list is his abiding good sense of humour. It’s not non-stop slapstick kind of humour; more an ability to see the funny side of life. It’s astonishing, really, bearing in mind the fact that, for the last seven years, his life has been blighted by loss of sight and a cascade of medical problems that all stem from a brain tumour in 2003. How he manages to stay cheerful in adversity I will never know.
Again, Barbara has so many qualities that it is really tough to isolate one in particular. Loyalty and genuine kindness stand out. All couples have their ups and downs. It can be so easy to simply walk away when problems arise. Whatever life has thrown at us, I know that Barbara can be relied on to help in their resolution.
In 1976 our first daughter was born, closely followed in 1977 by our second daughter. Barbara had stopped teaching a few months before daughter number one was born and, frankly, decided to become a full time Mum after number two arrived on the scene. James became the bread winner, remaining as a biology teacher until 1994. In the early 1980s the BBC Microcomputer was launched and James eagerly acquired one. Two things then conspired to change the course of history.
Life as a stay-at-home mother was beginning to lose its appeal somewhat. Barbara began to think of ways of both keeping her mind active and of also earning money to help the family budget. We think that you can blame a television programme for generating the idea of starting a dating agency. But, not just any old dating agency! The ideas of the green movement were just becoming more widely known. So, we launched Natural-Friends. It was probably the very first agency of its type. Members soon joined in their hundreds, making contacts by using the bimonthly magazine that contained descriptive profiles. We had struck ‘green gold’. Twenty five years on, we are still here, albeit in an online form.
Over the years we have dealt with tens of thousands of members. It is a proclaimed truth that we cannot guarantee the perfect match for everyone. However, we continue to receive messages from those who have found the love of their lives with help from Natural-Friends. This is definitely one of the best reasons for operating a dating agency. There are many millions of single folk who seek the services of agencies. The fact that Natural-Friends focuses its attention on those sharing our principles and range of interests means that it can be an easier route to happiness. Even if the ideal partners may not be found, Natural-Friends is a marvellous way of making friends of either sex. For those with low self-esteem, this can prove to be a route to personal happiness and heightened confidence. Very satisfying.
We always recommend that members make contact with as many like-minded fellow members as possible, within reason. Making friends first and foremost is very important. From such friendships it might be possible to identify those with whom you would like to formulate a closer, special relationship. This all takes time and patience. Be prepared for disappointments. Not everyone is precisely how they might have described themselves.
Safety is a factor that we do emphasise. However, with the application of care and common sense, it really is possible to find kindred spirits.
James and Barbara very much hope that Natural-Friends is bought by someone who will perpetuate the ethos and principles of the service.
If you think you might be interested, you may view the basic details of the sale by clicking the following link:
http://uk.businessesforsale.com/uk/Online-Ethical-Dating-Agency-10-Plus-Years-History-For-Sale.aspx
And you may request a detailed business plan by contacting their broker, Chris Wilson, via that web link. Alternatively, you may get in touch with James and Barbara at info@natural-friends.co.uk adding ‘Business For Sale’ in the subject line. The website is at:
It has occurred to me that when we are overly stressed, what we are actually encountering is a misuse of our personal energy. In the same way that we are collectively misusing the sources of fuel that the earth has to offer and causing global stress, on a personal level we can sometimes find ourselves misusing our personal sources of fuel. So, perhaps reducing stress is a process of reducing our use of unhealthy personal energy.
Let me explain this idea further:
Energy Descent Action Plans (or EDAPs) are a recognised part of the work of Transition Towns and, for local communities, are an accepted method for working towards achieving a sustainable and resilient way of living, freed from their dependence on fossil fuels – an unhealthy and unsustainable energy source. How can we apply this to our personal lives? What strategies are there that we can use to reduce the stress we experience on a personal leveI – to reduce our dependence on unhealthy and unsustainable personal energy sources? In The Transition Handbook, Rob Hopkins suggests that we tackle the EDAP in 4 parts – Present, Vision, Practical Steps and Resources. Here they are below with my ideas for adopting these processes in our personal lives.
The Warning Signs: What are the signs that our stress levels are too high? They might be sleep and digestive disturbances, failing relationships, frequent ill health or irritability and tearfulness for example.
Energy Sources: What type of energy are we using and how much? Examples of unsustainable personal energy might be excessive working or socialising, overconsumption of food, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine or recreational drugs. We might also be surviving mainly on fast food or an unbalanced diet of pre-prepared meals. We can think of adrenaline as being the personal equivalent of fossil fuels. Using a little occasionally can be useful, but sustained use of large quantities usually leads to disaster.
Energy Conservation: What sort of “personal insulation” are we using and how much do we have? I like to think of our personal insulation as the collection of methods we use to ensure that we minimise our use of unhealthy personal energy and keep the renewable energies flowing. For example, in order to minimise our use of alcohol, we might decide to chat through some of our problems at work with a mentor or friend. So, having a support network of people we can turn to for help might be part of our “personal insulation”. Feeling more personally empowered through attending a workshop on emotional intelligence, might be another example. Any work we can do on our personal or spiritual development can contribute to our “personal insulation” and will thus reduce our need for unhealthy personal energy.
We need to decide on how far ahead we want to visualise – 5, 10 or 15 years from now?
Our vision might include a slower pace of life, a more harmonious relationship with friends and family, a nutritious diet, time to exercise, meaningful work and manageable stress levels. We might also imagine time for spontaneity, to contribute on a voluntary basis to a good cause, time for reflection or spiritual practice and fewer things in our life that we feel we’re just tolerating rather than enjoying. Some people also like to include a financial element in their vision, with few or no debts and greater disposable income, while others would prefer more interdependence and team work in their life, more involvement in their local community and a broader network of friends.
Historical data: What have I learned from the past? When have I needed to reduce my use of unhealthy personal energy before? What worked then? What didn’t? What does this tell me?
Advice: This can take a number of forms and much of this will be down to personal preference and learning styles: guidebooks/workbooks, articles, useful websites and forums, courses, personal friends and acquaintances etc.
Renewable personal energy: In the same way that energy solutions on a worldly, practical scale are likely to be varied and a combination of different means, so renewable energy on a personal level is about using whatever is right in each context from a range of possibilities. Examples of sources of renewable personal energy might be:
Knowing which one of these to use at any one time will depend on us operating more from our hearts than our heads. It will involve being present to what wants to emerge in each moment, rather than forcing a particular outcome. Stress reduction then becomes mostly about cultivating presence and awareness of what’s going on around us and within us and focusing on being rather than on doing.
By reflecting on a Personal Energy Descent Action Plan, we can embark upon a more sustainable, less stressful path for ourselves that embodies improved health, resilience to change and the unforeseen, time for relaxation, contribution, wholesome relationships and opportunities for meaningful work.
Suggested further reading: Full Catastrophe Living. Jon Kabat Zinn.
Here’s a great topic to avoid – money! In my experience of coaching, discussing financial issues can be one of the areas that clients have most resistance to broaching and yet money is something from which we can learn a tremendous amount.
You’ve only got to set yourself the challenge of living just a single day without spending any to discover just how dependent we are on using this tool of modern society. What does our approach to using it tell us about ourselves and how can we benefit from that knowledge?
For many of us, having enough money gives us a sense of security. But what does enough mean? In absolute terms, enough can be a different amount of money for each of us. So, clearly it’s not a magical fixed sum that’s enough for anybody to live on, but rather how we value it and what we use it for that determines what’s enough for us. So perhaps what we can learn from our feelings of security or insecurity around money is how much money – savings, debt, monthly income – represents a feeling of enough for us.
When I asked Jane what her concerns were around her financial situation, she replied that money just seemed to flow into her bank account and then disappear! She didn’t know where it was going or how it was or wasn’t supporting her way of living. Naturally, this led to some worrying on her part and also feelings of lack of control of how her hard earned wages were being used.
One way to view money is as a vehicle for expressing ourselves. What does “where our money goes” say about us? Our level of debt might represent our willingness to be led by others. When we manage debt well, then this could indicate that we know our boundaries and responsibilities.
How much we spend and where we buy the necessities in life can express much about our views on the production of food, clothes and toiletries. It can illumine our attitude to health versus convenience, ethics versus costs and wisdom versus blind compliance.
Jane summoned the courage to investigate the particular stream of money that made its way through her life, following its arrival, stemming trickles running into areas she no longer valued, creating pools to store some savings and encouraging a small and steady flow into good causes.
To what extent are we prepared to share our money? Jane decided that she was happy to share 5% of her income with good causes and also that she would carry a small amount of cash with her each day for what she called spontaneous donations! This, she said, gave her the flexibility she needed and also the reminder each day of the joy that she could experience from giving.
In addition to these changes in habits, Jane decided that she wanted to change her attitude to paying bills. She’d noticed her tendency to feel resentment towards paying others for services and goods, as she perceived bill paying as something that depleted her funds. With some encouragement, she was able to find and express gratitude for the services that others had provided for her or the goods they had made. She also discovered that she felt gratitude for her ability to pay and for the skills she had that enabled her to earn a living.
A great way to highlight the effects of something on our lives is to try living without it. Having committed to 2 days without spending money, Jane reported that she had become more creative! How had this happened?
A couple of common rat race habits are:
• spending our way out of misery and
• spending our way out of problems.
Jane noticed that, on days when she was resisting spending, she used her creativity to find solutions to problems, for example by reading the manual on her central heating boiler when it failed and finding out how to reset it, rather than calling out an engineer. She also reported enjoying a relaxing walk in the park during her lunch break rather than buying a bar of chocolate to cheer herself up and working through her lunchtime.
Old rat race habits die hard, especially when it comes to our approach to money and especially in a recession when the temptation is not to face up to our finances. When we know what’s enough for us, how to express ourselves – our gratitude, shared joy and creativity – through money, we can learn a lot about ourselves and how to embrace money as a life serving tool.
I’ve been told that the Centre for Alternative Technology, CAT, is in a very serious situation and is requesting help from supporters.
Of course, there are many excellent causes to direct money to. Please be assured that I don’t plan to blog on all of them or even many of them. Rather, you will find some on the Resources page of this website, where you can browse at your leisure. So why mention this one this time? I think, because of the number of people worldwide who stand to be affected by this situation and because what this organisation aims to achieve seem to me to be very closely aligned with the transition to a more sustainable way of life that many of us are already aware of and experiencing. And… I just have a hunch that it’s the right thing for me to do today!
Here’s what CAT are saying:
“The Wales Institute for Sustainable Education (WISE) is CAT’s most important project to date. Hundreds of thousands of people will benefit from the courses, conferences, education and events that will happen in WISE, and millions more will benefit from the practical solutions developed and taught within its walls.
However, WISE now finds itself in a precarious position.
Originally a £5million project, the building costs for WISE have risen because of a legal dispute between CAT and the main contractor, Frank Galliers Ltd. Last month, in the High Court, CAT was awarded over £500,000 in costs. However, Galliers have since gone into liquidation and we are unlikely to see a penny of the money owed to us.
This has left CAT in an incredibly difficult position. We need to raise £530,000 over the next few weeks to complete the WISE project. Please could you help us at this critical time?”
Where do you fit in your local community? How are you feeling about how your many strengths and skills, your valuable knowledge and experience is used and appreciated by those who live and work close to your home? What about local Government? How much do they know about what you really think?
In our town, we are just starting to try out a new and rather ingenious piece of localised social media. LocalEyes was developed by Peter Anderson and others from a social enterprise called The Shire Initiative.
Peter explains that LocalEyes came into being in order to address two primary paradoxes:
1. “Even though we have many methods of communication available to us, phone, email, interactive TV, and snail-mail, we still cannot easily consult and coordinate ourselves within any geographical area. We cannot quickly ask a community, town or country what it wants or how it feels about any particular issue using the latest digital technologies we have strived so hard to produce.”
2. “It is now common knowledge that we need to recreate vibrant, resilient communities. In the UK alone there are an estimated 9 million people on FaceBook but there is no online social network that comprehensively represents the geographic communities where we live. Most people have several thousand people living within walking distance of their own homes. Take any one of these individuals and ask them what they can contribute to their community in terms of skills, groups, wisdom, talents, businesses, events, news, media, arts, crafts, items to sell, swap, freecycle, food, car sharing opportunities etc.; multiply this by the local population and you have a resource with tens of thousands of bits of information, each of which is a potential catalyst for real interaction.”
The article “Transition to the Shoal” that Peter wrote for the Ooffoo Laureate competition deservedly made it into the list of finalists. It is in the form of an inspirational letter to someone of influence. Let’s hope that it’s acted upon and that many more people become aware of the possibilities that this kind of technology facilitates.
Do contact Peter direct if you’d like to get involved in your community.
This site seeks to explore the heart and soul of downshifting to a more sustainable, ethical and holistic way of living and working, in keeping with the needs of the planet, humanity as a whole and ourselves as individuals. (read more)
