The monthly newsletter for aspiring downshifters,
and sustainable living enthusiasts.

July/August 2007
In this issue...

1. Does Your Child Need To Downshift?
2. Morning Glory. By Aspen Edge.
3. Your exploration this month.
4. Quotes of the month
5. Want to comment or contribute?
6. Teleclasses and personal coaching

1. Does Your Child Need To Downshift?

As a parent, how do you spot the signs of stress in your child? When is it time to intervene and to help your child simplify their life?

10 years ago this year I was in a terrible quandary. Both of my sons were showing signs of stress. My youngest son (then age 6), who was born partially sighted, was bored in school, reluctant to attend or participate in lessons and falling asleep in class in the afternoons. My oldest son meanwhile (then age 8) was off his food, having problems sleeping and talking of committing suicide. It was when I found myself removing the cord from his dressing gown in order to hide it from him, that I suddenly woke up to his and his brother’s distress.

What are the major signs of stress to look out for in your child?

Having trouble sleeping or having nightmares.

Loss of appetite

Deterioration in behaviour

Obsessive behaviour patterns (e.g. repeatedly washing hands)

Hyperalertness

Spacing out

Not wanting to engage in activities they usually enjoy.

Weepiness

Regression, e.g.thumb sucking, more dependent behaviour than usual.

Fear of the dark or being left alone.

Repeated or persistent illness, skin complaints, asthma etc

Bed-wetting

Causes of Stress in Children.

There are many individual incidents or situations that can result in stress in children. Whilst one-off events such as a house move, divorce, death or birth in the family are likely to cause peaks in stress, it is the persistent, unrelenting stresses that may result in most harm to the child in the longer term. These can originate from bullying, or from a child’s social, emotional or physical needs not being met.

In our case, it was the fact that the boys’ educational needs were not being met in school and that my oldest son was being bullied relentlessly that was causing their problems. In addition to that, their hours spent in school and two afternoons a week at a childminder’s while I worked meant that we were not spending enough hours together as a family.

Even for those children who are happy at school, the sheer volume of timetabled structure in their day, once you add on out-of-school clubs and classes, can be just too much to bear.

How do you encourage your child to downshift?

If you suspect that your child is living in a junior version of the Rat Race, there are things you can do to help relieve their stress and simplify their lives:

1. Speak with them about how they spend their days and weeks and what causes them to feel tense, angry, rushed, afraid, tearful etc. (You might like to read my article “Listening to our Children”)

2. Rather than focussing on the symptoms of stress e.g. bed-wetting, just focus on eliminating the causes and the symptoms will usually then take care of themselves.

3. Re-consider how much time your child has to just chill out and do nothing – time to just “be.” Having time to relax is just as important for them as it is for you.

4. How much time does your child need to spend alone? Just like adults, children have different social needs and perhaps will need to be encouraged to cut down on their social activities in order to de-stress.

5. If the major causes of your child’s stress seem to emanate from school and the stress persists despite you trying to resolve the problems, then another possibility is to consider alternative forms of education e.g. a small school, Steiner or Montessori school, home education.

For us, the solution was for me to start home educating my two sons and to stop working for a few years, in order to concentrate on their education and their health and wellbeing.

I’m pleased to say that within 3 months of taking my sons out of school, they were both back to their old selves and all the symptoms of stress had miraculously disappeared.

Walking Your Talk.

One thing I quickly realised when I began encouraging my sons to downshift was that there’s not a lot of point in attempting to downshift your child’s life if you’re showing signs of leading a stressful life yourself!

Many parents benefit from reviewing their pace of life and their opportunities to chill out and slow down a little, even when their children are not living in the Junior Rat Race. When your child is stressed, this can be an especially good opportunity to review your own life.

Many children are so closely bonded emotionally to their parents that their behaviour can project their parents’ stresses as much as their own. So you might well find that just by simplifying your own life, your child begins to unwind too.

Conclusion.

Children do not need to stay on the treadmill any more than we do as adults. There are alternative, less stressful, more enjoyable ways of living. When we, as parents, are willing to put family and wellbeing first and step off the treadmill, we are demonstrating to our offspring how to lead a less stressful, more meaningful life.

Suggested Further Reading:

Fighting Invisible Tigers: A Stress Management Guide for Teens - 12 Sessions on Stress Management and Lifeskills Development. By Earl Hipp and Michael Fleishman.

Don’t Pick on Me: How to Handle Bullying. By Rosemary Stones.

In Their Own Way. By Thomas Armstrong

Listening to Our Children. By Sally Lever.

How is Home Education Sustainable? By Sally Lever.

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2. Morning Glory. By Aspen Edge.

A feeling of loss can often attend the thought of downsizing, but what does it actually mean? That we are creating a life which is somehow lesser than, or that maybe we are not quite as psychologically robust as our peers? Nothing has more poignantly answered this question than the flowering of Morning Glory on my patio.

When we moved to southern Spain, we inherited a mountain landscape that was predominantly olive green, granite grey and desert brown, punctuated in Spring by the most tiny and precious wild flowers. As the years became drier, so these early harbingers of colour became fewer. I could feel the longing for, dare I say, more! More colour. Experiments with seeds eventually saw the first flowering of Morning Glory.

I am almost at a loss for words to describe how I felt as I saw the first flowers open. Was the word ‘glory’ used to describe the flower or the feeling that came with it? I certainly gloried in this flower throughout the summer, never tiring of the wonder of seeing these deep blue and white blooms afloat a mass of green leaves. I will carry both the image and the feeling with me for the rest of my life. It has left me replete, satisfied … forever!

So what has this got to do with downsizing? Well, it seems to me that although I have less, I have the time to appreciate more. There is a depth of quality that pervades my life that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I can really pay attention to, and appreciate, what I have. This quality leaves me feeling completely nourished in a way I never was when I had more.

© Aspen Edge

Aspen lives with her husband, David, and their son, Samuel, on a 16 hectare research conservation farm in the mountains of southern Spain, where they offer walking holiday accommodation and environmental services and workshops. See www.holisticdecisions.com.

3. Your exploration this month.

Who in your family is showing signs of Rat Race stress?

What one thing does each of you need to stop doing or to say “no” to this month?

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4. Quotes of the month.

Their soul is in charge of their lives, and nothing that you do can greatly interfere nor greatly help. Who you are as a being and what you model is the important reality.
Andrew Schneider.

Parents: persons who spend half their time worrying how a child will turn out, and the rest of the time wondering when a child will turn in.
Ted Cook

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5. Want to comment or contribute?

If you would like to comment on any aspect of this newsletter or submit an article for inclusion in it, please contact me by email.

6. Teleclasses and personal coaching.

How to Step off the Treadmill

A series of six teleclasses, each 45 minutes long, exploring the elements of downshifting, the reality of living a sustainable lifestyle in a consumer driven society and how to motivate ourselves to make the switch.

A teleclass is a straightforward, low cost and sustainable way of taking part in a group learning session. It’s like a conference telephone call.Each participant is supplied with a phone number to call at the appointed time. When you call, you will be welcomed to a virtual classroom where you can listen to the class leader present the teleclass material and you can participate by asking or answering questions if you wish. So it’s just like being in a real classroom or workshop setting except that you can take part in the comfort of your own home without having to travel anywhere!

To view the current teleclass schedule, click here.

Personal Coaching

One-to-one coaching can help you:

• let go of your old,stressful way of life, find a new path of vitality and an improved way of living.
• deal with fears surrounding financial responsibilities, your relationships with others and other consequences of making a major life change.
• improve your health, wellbeing and spiritual life.
• further your personal growth.
• achieve balance, clarity and peace.
  
  You can view further details on personal coaching here.

7. Subscriptions and privacy policy

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Have a fruitful month!

Sally

Sally Lever
Sustainable Living Coach

+44 (0)1749 674842
sally@sallylever.co.uk
http://www.sallylever.co.uk/